Somehow in my mind this phrase has always seemed like an oxymoron...I remember the first time I saw it on some books in the book store. At the time my son was only months old and not in need of discipline, so I was content to snicker and stick to my guns about spanking.
As he got older, I found out that my son does not respond to spanking, he laughed at me when he was just younger than 2 years old. It hasn't gotten any better, I feel like I have to hit him a lot and too hard to make a difference and then I feel like poop for it (even though I know I needed to correct that behavior).
We have enlisted the help of "time out" on the naughty spot (a placemat that I take everywhere with me) and I think it is important to smack a hand or leg if he does something dangerous and you have to stop it ASAP (like about to touch the stove etc.).
However, I think I need more tools in my tool box...so I googled the oxymoron "Positive Discipline"...what I found right off the bat is the website: http://www.stophitting.com/ I do not think that I agree with all of the website, because they want legistaltion against spanking and I do not think that is a good idea - I think parents have their hands tied behind their backs enough as it is in raising their kids.
Under the link of "Discipline at Home" I really liked what they had to say. They give a really definition of warmth and structure...which even I had wrong in my head. They have several exercises to discover how you are doing to meet your short term and long term goals. There is even information that helps you discover your long term goals and define your short term goals.
E.g. My short term goals right now are:
- to get him to poop in the potty
- to get him to stop talking back
- to get him to go pee on his own
- to have him get dressed by himself...etc.
However my long term goals are more like:
- for him to be honest
- for him to be a problem solver
- for him to be a hard worker/self starter
- for him to be good at relationships
- for him to be happy, healthy and well adjusted...etc.
When your son is only 3, these are not things that you think of on a daily basis. So, it helped put things in perspective. The website also gives ideas on specific ways that you can give your child warmth and structure, which I believe are also valid and helpful.
What I was really looking for was a method of positive motivation...like a "gold star" chart or putting marbles in a jar for good behavior and taking them out for bad behavior etc.
Still looking for that...write more when I figure that one out - Later!
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